Couple's Corner

Black Love, can I get an amen?

Hey, y’all!

First off, do you see me out here in these streets trying to be all consistent and what not? I’m trying, I’m trying!

But anyway, I just had to come on and talk about this topic because I’ve been excited and here for it but it’s evolving and growing and I’m like really, really here for it now, you know?

Let me just explain.

I’ll start off by saying this…

I am so sick and tired of the way we are portrayed on TV and in the media. Actually, how about I’m so sick and tired of the way we are portrayed in general. Point, blank, and the period.

I’m just saying. But forreal though.

More specifically, I am disgusted by the way our male/female dynamic is depicted. Of course, there is a message to get out and an agenda to push there- which we’ll discuss at a later date- nonetheless, it’s still highly disturbing and distasteful.

I know a lot of us are cool with watching ratchet TV, but I am no longer a supporter of it. Although, back in the day I did dabble here and there, it’s just not my cup of tea anymore. 

Now, I don’t have any statistics for you, but I am willing to bet my absolute bottom dollar that we are the main ones giving viewership to the extremely ratchet ‘reality’ series that are on television today. And by we I mean our community. 

Seriously, from all of the Love and Hip Hop‘s, to all of the Real Housewives of who gives a damn, to the For the Love of whoever, I Love whoever, Bad Girls Club, and whatever else is on or has been on in the past- it’s all bull.

But I digress. Because let’s be honest, it’s not just ‘reality’ TV, it’s everything. Pretty much anything with black representation.

Say what you want, but I know that that, is not all our community, or our people, are about. I didn’t learn much from watching those shows but a couple of the takeaways were that we are loud, uncouth(my moms favorite word *rolls eyes*), and unable to have successful relationships.

Relationships. Let’s dig in there, after all, that is why we’re here. Stay with me, we’re getting there.

Why is it that every time we see ourselves on TV- in a show, in a movie, or hell even in a commercial- there is some type of A, stereotype or B, negative image portrayal coming across?

Television has shown us countless baby momma/baby daddy scenarios. Countless black single mother scenarios. Shoot, in recent I’ve even been seeing black single fathers more often. It’s like, anything to not show the black family complex or the unity between a black male and a black female which, news flash, DOES EXIST. Then you have your independent women who ‘don’t need a man’- taking on the feminist mindset that was never created with us in mind (another topic for another day). You’ve got the difficult black woman who can’t keep a man, the black man who ain’t checking for black women. And then, of course, interracial couples. Which, I’m not knocking you, do your thing. However, as far as images go, it’s kind of strange that we rarely see ourselves with positive story lines unless it’s in connection to a white man or woman, no?… *shrugs* we’ll just leave that there.

Anyway!

When you think about it, it’s pretty annoying to see those things all the time. I know I’m over seeing it… 

Which is why it’s so, so refreshing to have some positive representation every now and then.

Thank you, Black Love Doc!

Don’t get me wrong- yes, there have been other shows over the years that accomplished showing us that positive image. I plan on speaking on those in the not so distant future as well. But being that I just came across news that, for me, is very exciting, I decided to highlight this series in particular.

So, Black Love.

My husband and I absolutely love watching this docuseries! I don’t know, there is just something about being able to watch couples that look like you, all at varying stages of their marriages, together for different lengths of time, going through similar things, and hearing how they’ve overcome some of their struggles- from the smallest to the largest. The most beautiful thing about it is the fact that they have worked it out.

It’s not too often, nowadays, that we see couples staying together, period. Black couples though, forget about it. It’s a struggle even marrying let alone staying together through the rough times. When you get the opportunity to see those positive examples of people within our community building strong foundations for their families, based in love, it’s amazing to see. Not only that, it also gives you the hope and courage to make it through your seasons of struggle, together. 

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now. Yeah, we’re pretty much babies out here in these streets but we’ve been through some thangs, y’all. 

The first couple of months of our marriage was definitely a rough period. It’s like, we knew each other but we had to learn each other- you get what I’m saying? We were bumping heads often and had a difficult time getting on one accord. We’ve had a lot of test that have come and have learned a multitude of lessons that we stand by today. However, we didn’t arrive to that solely on our own. 

If you’ve read My Pregnancy Journeyyou would remember that we got married right after coming off of two miscarriages. I wasn’t the same person at that point. Mentally, I was not the same. We didn’t know that until we knew it– and by that point, there was nothing else to do but get through it. Couple that with a handful of other factors affecting the togetherness and we were in the most trying time our relationship had seen yet. 

I’m not going to lie to you, it was hard. But as I mentioned before, we didn’t fix it on our own- we had help! 

Okay, so I pretty much stay on YouTube in my free time. I guess that’s my form of ‘reality’ TV but I control what images I allow myself to be subject to. That being said, there was one channel in particular that I enjoyed watching often because it made me laugh. As I’m scrolling through his videos one day, looking for my next bit of entertainment, I came across something that I desperately needed. He had a series on his channel where he posted videos with his wife and they did a podcast called the Love Hour together. It was Kevin and Melissa Fredericks (KevOnStage and MrsKevOnStage)! 

Seriously, listening to what they’ve experienced, hearing their different perspectives on a range of different topics, learning how they’ve overcome, and seeing the result of that was very new for both my husband and I. 

Unfortunately, we both don’t come from a background of having healthy, positive examples of what a true marriage looks like. Within our community, this is true for many if we’re really being honest with ourselves. So watching the videos of their podcast recordings was a real game changer for us. 

I literally watched every single one. And the ones that pertained specifically to our marriage, my husband and I watched together. It taught us a lot about ourselves and how to communicate to work through our issues. 

We mutually decided that divorce is not an option so the only option was to work it out. And at the time, they helped us do that. 

Fast forward a couple of months and my bestfriend is telling me about this docuseries that is literally an extended version of what I had already been watching on YouTube and suggested that we, too, check that out. 

My husband and I hopped on that with the quickness and have been fully invested ever since. 

Seeing that type of positivity, that type of love, that type of commitment within our community was so beautiful to witness. We’ve grown stronger, as a couple and individuals, with each episode. 

Moving right along!

Alright, so then the other day I’m aimlessly scrolling through Facebook and I saw two things that excited me to my core

First, Kevin and Melissa are joining the black love cast!

Second, Black Love now has a website!

When I tell y’all I’m about to be getting my entire life. 

Black Love, you’ve been had and will continue to have my support and viewership. 

Blacklove.com, you’ve got me locked in. 

I’m so here for it.

Oh, I love The Ellises, too. 

Anyway, I can’t wait to see all of the content on blacklove.com, I’m sure I’ll be visiting daily. Also, I can’t wait for the next season of Black Love! 

Alright, I’m out of here for now. I’ll catch y’all next week! 

Like, share, and follow!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)